


dude can u not

by chickenoodlesoup



Series: Sub Jaebeom [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bottom Im Jaebum | JB, Chatting & Messaging, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Crack, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Skype, Top Mark, UNHOLY, jackson is kinky, they are all seniors in highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickenoodlesoup/pseuds/chickenoodlesoup
Summary: jaebeom on skype with his crackheads.{sequel of ‘stfu jinyoung’}





	1. GROUPIE!!!!1!1!1

**Author's Note:**

> cat whore: jaeb  
> morktuna: mork  
> shortson: sseunie  
> i’m your mom: nyoung  
> flash in the hole: jaejae  
> bambam in dat ass: double b  
> tortilla lookin’ ass: gyeom

[cat whore is online]  
[cat whore added bambam in dat ass, morktuna, i’m your mom, tortilla lookin’ ass, flash in the hole, shortson]

GROUPIE!!!!1!1!1

cat whore: welcome  
cat whore: i’m going to need your name and dick size please :))

morktuna: mark, 6 inches long, 3 in diameter

shortson: fish got a fat dick  
shortson: i pray for jaes asshole

tortilla lookin’ ass: jackson ur gay is showing  
tortilla lookin’ ass: a lot

bambam in dat ass: why does the gc sound like we setting up an orgy  
bambam in dat ass: if it that how it be im not gonna complain

tortilla lookin’ ass: bam u got my asshole yesterday i dont see y ur complaining

i’m your mom: if you all don’t stop talking about dicks i am going to choke all of you

shortson: yes daddy :)

flash in the hole: babe u seem to forget that jackson has a choking kink  
flash in the hole: and doesnt jaebeom have one

cat whore: jinyoung was sitting across from me and mark and i actually asked mark to choke me lol  
cat whore: he’s a blushing mess he’s so adorable eeeeeeeeeeEeEEeeeeeEEE

morktuna: fuck you baby -////-

bambam in dat ass: that was the cutest response ive seen all day im screenshotting this. 

tortilla lookin’ ass: dont show my mom she’ll go all crazy and stoopid on me

bambam in dat ass: oh im totally texting it to her

tortilla lookin’ ass: NO

flash in the hole: AAAAAA...?

shortson: so jinyoung u gonna block my windpipe seductively?  
shortson: or nah

flash in the hole: the only person he’s gonna seductively windpipe block is me  
flash in the hole: and yugyeom if he steals a sip of bubble tea again

cat whore: bITCH U SAID U DIDNT LIKE BUBBLE TEA

i’m your mom: yeah?  
i’m your mom: what about it?

cat whore: were u trying to not hangout with me?!

morktuna: sounds like it karen

cat whore: bE qUiEt sHaNNoN

i’m your mom: JAUGUDKEKWKOODOCI  
i’m your mom: WAKAKKAKAAKKAK  
i’m your mom: KWNWKEROOFUSSJXNFK

bambam in dat ass: is he getting buttfucked or smth  
bambam in dat ass: is the orgy happening  
bambam in dat ass: omfg

tortilla lookin’ ass: no you dumb fuck

morktuna: ummm 0-0

tortilla lookin’ ass: wAIT WHAT

morktuna: jae is actually attacking jinyoung from across the table and choking him vigerously  
morktuna: o shit  
morktuna: fuck  
morktuna: FUCKING FUCK

tortilla lookin’ ass: what

flash in the hole: what

bambam in dat ass: what

shortson: what

morktuna: we legit got kicked out because they thought we were displaying kinky behavior

shortson: PFFT LMAO WHAT

tortilla lookin’ ass: W8 DID MY EYES TRICK ME  
tortilla lookin’ ass: WHAT THE FUCK

flash in the hole: WHY IS COCO READING THIS  
flash in the hole: JSKSJFJSJSJNCNDKDD  
flash in the hole: 

shortson: why is youngjae screaming

flash in the hole: fuckin’ dog jacked my phone

morktuna: now beomie is crying  
morktuna: imma just go now and comfort my baby

i’m your mom: i feel so violated

cat whore: as you should  
cat whore: bitch

i’m your mom: i love you

cat whore: …  
cat whore: i love u too  
cat whore: and u to mark

morktuna: *too

i’m your mom: *too

shortson: *too

flash in the hole: *too

bambam in dat ass: *too

tortilla lookin’ ass: *too

cat whore: im gonna jump out this window doggammit


	2. Sidetracked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bambam just wants to know the answer to number 5.

WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO NUMBER 5?!?!

bambam in dat ass: AYO  
bambam in dat ass: DOES ANYBODY KNOW THE ANSWER TO NUMBER FIVE  
bambam in dat ass: IM DESPERATE

cat whore: why are u texting us in class  
cat whore: mr kangs gonna take my phone for the uptenth time

morktuna: then put your phone away baby

i’m your mom: can bambam shut the fuck up  
i’m your mom: oh w8 nvm  
i’m your mom: i thought he was gonna say something about an orgy

bambam in dat ass: now that u mentioned it ;)

flash in the hole: you say ANYTHING and i will send coco to eat ur face of >:(

i’m your mom: that’s my baby ❤️

flash in the hole: thanks daddy -3-

bambam in dat ass: 0-0

cat whore: 0-0

morktuna: 0-0

shortson: 0-0

tortilla lookin’ ass: 0-0

cat whore: imma be a good friend to bambam  
cat whore: just bust the question in ur calculator and thotiana will bust the answer on ur paper

shortson: i thot u were gonna say the calculator will nut on his paper

morktuna: do you even realize how many braincells i lost from that sentence

shortson: stfu u sandwich

i’m your mom: hey the only sub here is jaeb

cat whore: excuse me whore

flash in the hole: excuse my insult but u deepthroat sandwiches idk why ur talking at all

tortilla lookin’ ass: what.

bambam in dat ass: did my eyes deceive me

shortson: i dont think they did

cat whore: BITCH U SAID UD KEEP IT A SECRET

i’m your mom: im sorry that i was watching the video and then youngjae came up behind me and was like “who dat?” 

morktuna: wait theRE’S A VIDEO

cat whore: dont u dare send it or i’ll tell them

i’m your mom: oh god anything but that

bambam in dat ass: im confused

flash in the hole: they both have blackmail material in their phones  
flash in the hole: both are very hilarious

i’m your mom: (video message)

shortson: WHAT OML  
shortson: JAEB UR MOUTH IS HUGE

tortilla lookin’ ass: i didnt know i had a mouth kink until now

cat whore: 0////0  
cat whore: ok, i take pride in my big face hole

morktuna: he does

tortilla lookin’ ass: SIAKNFMSKGKDKSCJJ

i’m your mom: OMG LMAO

shortson: what happened

i’m your mom: KYUM PLAYED THE VIDEO WHILE MR OH WAS TALKING AND IT HAPPENED TO BE WHEN JAEB MOANED IM CRYING

tortilla lookin’ ass: HELP ME FUCK SMSKSOGKRLRGttkkdkskd

cat whore: excuse me that im a slut

bambam in dat ass: WE’RE GETTING SIDETRACKED  
bambam in dat ass: WHAT IS NUMBER 5 ANSWER

cat whore: 75

morktuna: 14

shortson: -19

i’m your mom: 4,562

flash in the hole: 97

tortilla lookin’ ass: 48

bambam in dat ass: god save me


	3. Blackmailing Between Mom and Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the blackmailing has begun between Jaebeom and Jinyoung, and the groupchat intensifies in memes.

blackmailing time hee hee 😤😤:

tortilla lookin’ ass: omG ITS MICHAEL JACKSON

bambam in dat ass: hEe hEe hee hee HEE HEEEEE

tortilla lookin’ ass: dis is why u my bitch

bambam in dat ass: bAE IM BLUSHING  
bambam in dat ass: also y arent jaeb and nyoung talking to each other?

morktuna: well jaeb was exposed so rn he is tryna send the video of jinyoung with a bowlcut dancing to nickelback  
morktuna: so jinyoungs now strangling beom as i speak

bambam in dat ass: nICKELBACK

flash in the hole: qUE

shortson: WHY DO I ALWAYS MISS SHIT HAPPENING

flash in the hole: ur gonna need to ask the bottom

cat whore: JANSKFNSJJSJWJDFJJEK

flash in the hole: stop that only bottoms keysmash

bambam in dat ass: i mean—

morktuna: jfc

tortilla lookin’ ass: i kid you not they also did this in science, and it was hilarious  
tortilla lookin’ ass: mr byun was walking around with his chocolate milk and he dropped it from the sudden action in a silent classroom.

shortson: mr byun drinks chocolate milk???

tortilla lookin’ ass: he says it’s homemade and he makes strawberry milk for mr park

shortson: ah the gay science teachers

cat whore: I SAW STRAWBERRY MILK

flash in the hole: ofc u did u silly hoe

cat whore: A FUCK HELLLPPP

[cat whore facetimed 6 numbers]  
[facetime declines by 6 numbers]

morktuna: AAAAAHHHHH

flash in the hole: bam where tf r u, ur supposed to meet me at the parking lot to go get lunch

bambam in dat ass: im in the staff lounge rn bc ms bae had to get smth for class tmr and i got in trouble  
bambam in dat ass: but she gone and mr byun and mr park are being gay and thEY DONT SEE ME  
bambam in dat ass: ms bae is a demon

tortilla lookin’ ass: b-but i like ms bae she calls me a cinnamon roll

cat whore: (video message sent)

bambam in dat ass: ...

tortilla lookin’ ass: 0-0

flash in the hole: hot

shortson: wtf jaejae

morktuna: now i realize why jinyoung was choking jaeb

flash in the hole: what sseun hes my boyfie 

i’m your mom: baby...

flash in the hole: also jinyoung that bowl cut was disgusting  
flash in the hole: i thought you should know that

i’m your mom: dont worry i still love you.

bambam in dat ass: WHY ARE THEY TOUCHING EACH OTHERS DICKS HELP

shortson: iM CACKLING

bambam in dat ass: IM SUFFERINGGGG

cat whore: aNYWAYS FROM THE SCIENCE TEACHERS GAY SHIT  
cat whore: dont try me jinyoung i have more blackmail material in my phone

i’m your mom: we are not doing this again  
i’m your mom: i am not risking another detention from mr byun again after his chocolate milk spilled

cat whore: 0-0  
cat whore: gotta hee hee outta here to go pee pee

morktuna: wtf is that imma hee hee yo ass

bambam in dat ass: sounds like a dopeisland vine

tortilla lookin’ ass: no WAY JOSE

shortson: thAt RIGHT thEre wHo iS jOse

cat whore: hey bitch

flash in the hole: WHO THE FUCK IS HE

i’m your mom: i hope you all slip on a banana peel

flash in the hole: even me?

i’m your mom: no not u bby

morktuna: ily babes :)

cat whore: bye bitches :) gotta go to detention

shortson: byeeee

bambam in dat ass: FUCK THEYRE KISSING NOW  
bambam in dat ass: and bye :) ill send u updates of chanbaek

flash in the hole: yeesss bye

tortilla lookin’ ass: byeeeeeeee


	4. MS BAE IS A DEMON AND THE SCIENCE TEACHERS ARE FUCKINNG GAYYY:

[bambam in dat ass changed the group name]

 

bambam in dat ass: okay

bambam in dat ass: so

 

flash in the hole: what

 

bambam in dat ass: dont fuckin interrupt me

bambam in dat ass: *AHEM*

bambam in dat ass: MR BYUN IS HELLA DOMINANT OVER MR PARK AND STARTED TALKING DIRTY TO HIM WHILE I WAS IN THERE AND APPARENTLY THEY KNEW I WAS IN THE ROOM BUR GAVE NO SHITS AND NOW IM KINDA TURNED ON BC MR BYUN IS SEXY AND SUCH A DADDY AAAAAA

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: what

tortilla lookin’ ass: my daddy is calling another person daddy  🥺🥺

 

shortson: look what u did u dumbass

shortson: but in all seriousness mr byun is pretty sexy

 

i’m your mom: nah mr park is sexier

i’m your mom: he got more muscle  👅👅

 

flash in the hole: and he tall too

flash in the hole: u know what that means

 

cat whore: i bet they both got big dicks  👀👀

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: mmm dicks

 

bambam in dat ass: bicth u got mine what u thurstin for

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: ( ;)

 

cat whore:  👅👅🍆🍆💦💦

cat whore: but rlly i need a dick now

 

i’m your mom: just  ✋🤢 pls

 

morktuna: *faggot energy increases*

morktuna: also baby i’ll be there in like ten minutes :P

 

cat whore: i’m happy now :D

 

bambam in dat ass: eeWWW stop being thirsty

 

cat whore: you ew urself whore

 

i’m your mom: ok back on topic from u nasty fuckers

i’m your mom: srsly mr byun is a daddy

 

shortson: says the actual daddy  👀👀

 

i’m your mom:  🍑👈 👀👀

 

shortson: STOP U UNHOLY CHILD

 

i’m your mom: ah

 

bambam in dat ass: eww no leud noises

 

i’m your mom: first of all *lewd u illiterate fuck

i’m your mom: second of all, says the salty and short bottom

 

shortson: that’s fucking mean u grandma

shortson: im sorry i didnt mean it

 

i’m your mom: yeah ya fuckin didnt

i’m your mom: u shorty

 

shortson: wait i was scared now im disgusted

shortson: anybody noticed a complete lack of jaeb and mark

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: yeah they fuckin

tortilla lookin’ ass: great now u got me thinkin bout it u idiot

tortilla lookin’ ass: ...hyung >:(

 

bambam in dat ass: i bet they resizing holes  👀👀

 

i’m your mom: i just realized im friends with the biggest

 

shortson: cuties

 

bambam in dat ass: dicks?

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: no u dummy boy

 

i’m your mom: NO U DISGUSTING TREE

i’m your mom: it was idiots

i’m your mom: also where did ms bae come in shes in the gc name

 

bambam in dat ass: she told mr byun and mr park to stop kissing

bambam in dat ass: lIKE LADY THATS SOME GRADE A PORN

 

i’m your mom: :| why am i even surprised now ffs

 

flash in the hole: bambam is a living facepalm

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: and where has ze otter been

 

flash in the hole: stalking you

flash in the hole: yall are  🤡🤡🤡

 

tortilla lookin’ ass: [image message]

 

i’m your mom: yugyeom

i’m your mom: sweetie

i’m your mom: did you just send a reverse card 

[read by tortilla lookin’ ass, bambam in dat ass, and 2 others] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i keep making jaeb and grape so horny lol

**Author's Note:**

> im dying from the amount of crack i wrote


End file.
